A Heart of Gratitude

Aug 3rd, 2010

If I really take time to think about the significance of today, my eyes well up with tears and my heart is a bit sad but overflows with gratitude. Today is the day that I married my beautiful wife 14 years ago. I ponder the past years and realize that Andrea is a true gift to me. It has been 14 years of laughter, love, memories, struggle, pain, faith, tears, forgiveness and restoration.
I see how truly amazing the love of Christ is by just revisiting who my wife is through His strength. We have shared in so many trips and vacations, blessed with 3 awesome kids and our needs are met daily by His provisions. He has worked with us, through us and most of all in spite of us.
I take great sadness in the ways that I have hurt Andrea through my actions and thoughts through the past 14 years though. I have not always shown her respect and honor. I have not loved her completely as Christ told us to love. I have been selfish with my own thoughts and desires. My actions have betrayed her trust and caused us to question how we would stay together. She has had a few opportunities to call it quits and leave for justifiable reasons........but through her reliance on Jesus she stuck it out.
She sees me as a work in progress by God. She has shown me His grace time and again. She loves me with all that she has and then digs into His reserves and asks for more when she doesn't have enough. She gives more than I deserve and that is why I see so much of our Savior in her character and heart. Once I push past the sadness of what I have done, I see the joy and gratitude for what HE has done!
So today I stand before you saying after 14 years, I understand each day a little bit more of God's love, forgiveness, and grace because of the undeserved gift of a Godly woman who was entrusted to me 14 years ago today. Andrea, I love you and pray that God continues to use us and know that He has many things purposed for us in the future!

Free or Imprisoned?

How do you live your life each day? Big question right? Well, I have been told that I think and reflect too much sometimes, but I know that God designed me this way so I am going to pen my thoughts for others to reflect upon. Back to the question....I am spurred to ask this question because of words I heard in a song this morning as I ran. The lyrics spoke of how we are not imprisoned by the four walls around us because the One who holds the world has already come and set us free! No matter what the world here does to us, we are still unbound and set free from the captivity of sin. These words spoke volumes to me this morning. It was as if Mercy Me wrote the song for me to hear this morning specifically. Actually my heart was ripe this morning to actually "hear" the words from God would be more accurate.

We are all sinners and fall short in our daily lives. The Bible states this clearly in Romans 3. Once we have accepted that fact then we move into an area of our life that cultivates the need for a savior beyond ourselves. We realize that we can"t save ourselves because we are imperfect and flawed. That is the place we decide to choose to allow Christ to take that sin away through repentance and baptism or we choose to go it alone and try to "do good" in our lives.

For many years I tried to "do good things and be good", but my humanness kept the desires of my flesh up front and ready to be fed. I just could not seem to destroy them or keep them from being my guiding forces in my life. I was willing ,but my flesh was too weak. I then decided to try the other route. I gave my life to Christ and magically all my troubles disappeared!

Wrong....actually more troubles came. You see once the light is turned on in your life, there was more stuff in the corners that needed to be cleaned out that you could not see in the dark before. But this time I had something and someone else to help. When you allow Christ to shoulder that burden and give you strength it becomes bearable, not easy but bearable to withstand the weight.

The question that came to me as I heard the song was "Do I live free in Christ or do I run back to my sins and allow me to be imprisoned? I say that I believe in Christ and His forgiveness, but when things get tough do I creep back to the door or sin because it appears comforting and familiar. If I truly examine myself the answer would be "yes". My heart drifts back to what is known and away from the unknown. This frustrates me because in my mind I know that past sins only bring pain and heartache. The deceptive heart though wanders back to what feels and appears pleasing. This is where a trust and faith in the unknown and unseen God can be interjected. A choice has to be made.............

Today I choose not allow the four walls of my sins hold me in and I will walk out the door with Christ holding my hand. What about you? Watch the video and decide will you be free today?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS-VnDKf4Bk

What Do You Hold Onto?

God wants to develop a character in each of us that when we look in the mirror or when others look at us we show a reflection of Jesus Christ. What does this really mean? The characters of Christ are many, but the ones that I am working on right now is patience, acceptance, unconditional love, and a strong faith in our Father. Each day these seem to be so unreachable, but each moment when I am faced with a decision I must go to who I am in Christ. How do I get there? Prayer and a constant continual communication with Him all day long. Sounds a little "churchy" doesn't it? It is more of a state of allowing my heart and mind to not be clogged with the day to day trappings that will slow and stop yourself from being with Him.
Several months ago, I made some bad decisions in my life that were a result of allowing this communication from Him to be blocked by my own sins. I had lowered my shield to Satan's attacks and allowed a long time sin struggle to re-enter my life. Slowly it ate away at my soul piece by piece. You see, Satan is crafty. He knows how to make a person a mediocre Christian that is uneffective to their God given ministries. I made the choice to move into this sin. It was deceptively enticing and full of false pleasures that are empty and hollow. I allowed myself to be dragged away from what was holy, right and true in my life and traded it for sin that was fleeting and destructive.
God knew what choices I would make and then prepared a way for me to return to Him, when I hit bottom and decided that His way was the only way. As humans we always look for the easy way naturally. We drift toward what is comfortable. This is true with food, exercise, quiet times, relationships, and even with intimacy. All of this drifting is a slow fade away from Christ and His fullness for our lives.
I believed the lies even when I felt the guilt and shame of the sin. When it came to where I could bear no more hurt to myself and especially those around me, I felt God's hand with me. He said to me, not audibly, but in my head: "What are you holding onto more than me?" "Is it pride, selfishness, your career, your family, the image that others see in you, or your own perceptions of who you are?" I was holding onto all of those things more than Him and I ended up in a pit of Hell. I allowed myself to be everything that everyone else wanted in me and lost who I was in God's Eyes. This place is scary and lonely. This chasm is a very empty and hollow place where Satan can smother you even while you think you are "doing" good things instead of "being" what God desires.
From that moment on I made a decision to be a reflection of Him. Was this easy? NO! It meant I had to let go of everything that I had grasped so tightly and give it away to Him. Trusting that He knows what is the best for my life. I had to confess my sins to my wife and family hoping for forgiveness, but not sure if it would be offered. Taking a look deep within who I am and the stories I believe in my head. My self-worth was so small and I had to allow myself to learn from God's word who I really am in Christ. All of these and so much more are a daily continual process of submitting myself to the One who made me and knows me. Am I perfect? No! But I am learning from the Perfecter!
You may have seen this video before, but I have found that you can never watch it too much. It speaks something new to me each time I watch it. Gary is God's Original Masterpiece. Do you believe that you are too?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRzltLYy9xk

What Happens when you are" Undone"

There comes a point in every persons life that we face trials and struggles. It is inevitable in a world that has fallen to ways of sin. God said that there would be toil, anguish, and strife in this life" He did not say that there might be, but He said that there will be. It is only a matter of when not if it happens. What do you do when it comes? Where do you turn? In my own case, when life got hard or I was in a tough situation I turned inward to myself. I tried to reason the situation out in my head and form a possible solution. Sounds like a good answer....but the problem was inside my head I had been feeding lies to myself about my abilities, my worth and who I was meant to be. So when I tried to reason my way through a problem, I told myself that I deserved nothing, I was not worthy of success, and that I would never be good enough to be a success in the world's eyes. Even writing these words depresses me to think that I believed all of those things down to my core.
Many of you may feel this way right now. How did I begin a path of destroying those misconceptions that formed the "stories" in my own head? Confession to others and being a transparent person to others and God. That is the beginning. I learned that no matter how painful it is to share your true faults and failures to God, your spouse, your family, and others God uses this to strengthen His relationship with you. It is not easy, but it is so fulfilling to know that you are who God wants you to be and it does not matter what others think. This was and is so hard for me. I am such a "yes" man and people pacifier that I did not want to let anyone down ever. Except I compromised and let God and myself down by pleasing everyone else.
I now put God first on the list and only strive to please Him daily by running to the cross when struggles take place. Am I perfect 100% of the time? No!!!! I am human and make mistakes, but I do know that I can keep coming back to Him and He is waiting to restore me and show me how to deal with it the next time while resting in His care.
The song that inspired me to reflect on these thoughts weighs heavy on my heart and mind today. It is sung by Mercy Me called "Undone". It speaks of who we are in Christ and that the only place we need to be is at the cross lifting high our chains that He has undone! Please watch and listen and find rest in Him today when you are "Undone".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fccGG36IG4c&feature=related

Liberty Road: Where The Physical and Spiritual Collide

It has been several weeks since I have taken the time to write anything. I ask myself "Why?". The only answer is that I have been too caught up in life itself to step out, listen and digest how God is speaking to me. The past few weeks have been filled with traveling for work, trying to get ready for upcoming furniture shows, getting kids off to a new school year and working on house repair projects. All in all "life" has taken over and I allowed it to happen. I can vividly remember walking out to the barn exhausted to feed our animals and asking myself "is all this worth the efforts you are giving?" I was tired of trying to keep up with all of the daily tasks plus wear all the hats that I have hanging in my "duty closet". Each day I must be a Husband, Father, Employer, Friend, Teacher, Customer Service Rep, Salesman, Animal Caretaker, Groundskeeper, Home Fix-it Man, and the list goes on and on. On top of all these I was feeling like I needed to be a "Super Christian" who has it all together by singing at church, leading worship, teaching teens, and leading a small group. In that moment I could hear myself saying "enough", "I can't handle and juggle all this anymore". I realized that I am trying to live a spiritual and worldly double life.

We live on Liberty Rd. and this is where it all collides for me. I try to keep my worldly things looking like I have it all together. I worry that our house is perfect with nice lawn, landscaping, garden, barn with animals and pasture, successful business with organized shop and beautiful furniture, toys for kids to play on, and so on. I struggle each day to make all of those items stay in check. On the other side of the battle is the spiritual realm of my life where I focus on Christ and working for him. I try to use my talents teaching teens at church, going on mission trips, leading worship at church, singing special music, leading a small group of young adults and being available for others to listen and help in times of need. Then I hear God's voice saying "Do you hear me, where do I fit in? I know that these are all good things are they the best? So much "doing" distracts from listening. Can you just relax and love me? Take time to just listen and allow me to love you". The past few weeks I have allowed my wants and desires to overshadow and distract me from Christ's fulfilling love.

God, thanks for slowing me down enough to listen. I am sorry that I have chosen my way of doing things and not yours for the past few weeks! My heart is to love you and be living a life that is not based on the world's view of success but of yours. There will always be this battle while we live here on earth of the physical and spiritual aspects of our lives. I am learning that the more I lean on Him, a peace that passes all understanding enters my life. I can look at my daily life through spiritual glasses and discern what is truly important. Am I able to this with ease? Not always, but God patiently works with me each day as a loving Papa would do with his children.

Where are you struggling today? What can you give to God? Take time to just sit and listen today. God is waiting to show you if you only take the time to stop and listen. I know that I am not the only one doing this juggling act. I would love to hear from anyone reading this on how they have worked through this daily struggle.

I Want.....

It seems inevitable that when I take my three children into a store they are having a case of the "I want this....." Even my two year old has added this to his vocabulary. He loves to say "I like this Daddy" or "I want this Daddy". Of course I reply with a three minute sermon on how ungrateful they can be and how we can't get everything we want all the time, nor is it good to receive all of our desires immediately. About a week ago Andrea, my wife, held a "dream night" for business partners. The women were jewelry consultants and were discussing there hopes and dreams of what this business could do for their own lives. I listened as they shared aspirations about family vacations, college education, newer cars, paid off debts, and increased support for missionaries and mission trips. While listening to them, in my mind I made up my own dream list. It included paying off debts, new outdoor furniture, a concrete floor in my barn, a tractor for the barn, new equipment for my business, and my list went on and on. The next day I was consumed with my dreams which quickly turned into my "wants". Who do I sound like now? Sure enough my kids get it honestly from the man in the house! Time for the three minute sermon in solitude.
I had so quickly turned an inspirational exercise into a depressing and all consuming attitude of "I don't have all the things that I want." As I write this, the words ungrateful and selfish come to mind very rapidly. My ungrateful heart condition was diagnosed lovingly by my wife who shared that I should look around at what I do have and take those things in praise to God. It is tough being knocked down to my knees, but that is the only perspective I need, to be looking up.
Over the past few days I have watched a family grieve the loss of their husband, father, brother, friend, mentor, coach, teacher, and co-worker. As I reflect on the celebration of his life, I thought about who I am and the "wants" that I have placed in my life right now. Gods has written new ones on my heart. It is now up to me whether or not I follow through with them. My new list contains some of the following:

I WANT:
To be a man of God on both the inside and outside equally
To invest time in my family
To invest time in the lives of people around me
To not worry about my task list each day, but instead use God's timing as a standard.
To practice contentment apart from the world's definitions.
To love my wife wholly and honorably
To thirst for truth and sharing it lovingly and honestly with others
To use the talents that I've been entrusted with to show others His love.
To be a man that will be remembered for living a life pointing to something greater than himself

The list may seem daunting and lofty, but I know only one thing for sure, "With Christ All Things are Possible". One day at a time and one decision at a time is all I can do, but He is the one that can shape and me into this list of "I wants" because I believe they are in line with what He wants for me and for you. What are you in want of today? Is it worth the sacrifice of yourself or His Sacrifice?

You Can Call Me Crazy......

After being in Mexico for a week working and serving the people there it is definitely a fulfilling “mountain top” experience. A person feels purpose and satisfaction from doing what God has put them on this earth to do: Love one another and serve in His name. On all the trips that I have taken to do this ,there comes a point when I must return home to the life I left behind. I had temporarily exited the hectic, fast paced lifestyle of work, school, kids, hobbies, family and church activities. This life was traded in for a short glimpse of how Jesus lived day to day. His life was far from glamorous or envied, but it was satisfying and filled with purpose. The purpose was to live out a life of serving others in love that in this they might see a true picture of His Father in Heave. Upon the return home I am changed forever by the sights that I have seen, smelled, touched, and embraced. This time of transition can be difficult and tumultuous. It is the time of reintegration to my pre-trip life and routines.
Everything has a different look. I examine my life more closely and ask a myriad of questions. Do Ireally need more clothes, a new vehicle, a bigger house? Is it necessary to go out to eat as much as I do? Can my money be spent more frugally in order to give more to those who need the basics of life? Is there a place that I can apply these acts of service inmy own hometown? So many things have changed in my outlook on life that it can be overwhelming to the people around us me, as well as my own self.
A song came to mind that speaks volumes about how the world views us as Christ followers. The song is by Mercy Me and is called “Crazy”. I encourage you to listen to it through this link and allow the words to penetrate you heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxffzHEU1gY \

The overall message of the song is "Why would I spent my life doing everything that is opposite of what the world thinks is normal. We long for the day our life ends here, we point our lives towards another man instead of ourselves, we live our lives in the trust and care of another man, and we blindly give our life to promises of unseen things. This is a big pill for the world of self-sufficiency to swallow. It goes against all that is taught to us by our culture. This is where the spiritual and worldly clash draws swords. Our flesh longs for many of these earthly things because it gives up immediate, temporary relief from the pain in this world. As Christ-followers, we are called to suffer through these earthly hunger pangs and allow the One to fill us with His inner strength that is eternal. It outlasts any of the cheap thrills that the world can offer. By grasping onto true fulfillment many of struggles and trials of this life can be traversed with an eternal perspective.

This has been demonstrated to me so vividly in the past month with a close family friend who is battling cancer and the odds are against him right now. He is in a place that I can't comprehend. Knowing that death could come at anytime, but knowing that God is more present in his life than one could understand. From the outside it seems sad that a man like this has to suffer and leave a family and community that so dearly loves him. People of the world would ask why would a man like this have to suffer instead of one who is less influential and loved by so many? When we look through eternal eyes, it becomes a bit more clear. We ask why not? How many have seen and experienced his true love and commitment to the One who saved his soul. He is having an outstanding impact on hundreds and maybe even thousands of people by how he is embracing this fight by allowing Jesus to continue leading his life. I am a changed person by seeing his love and strength in the face of adversity. He truly loves living but is more taken by living loved by the Jesus. Thank you Mr. Rick for your influence in the life of me and my family. We are selfishly praying for a miracle but know that Our Savior is totally in control at all times of those who love Him! Your life is a true picture of how to live in the will of the Father.

As the song says so boldly "It would be crazy to choose this world over eternity!" What are you crazy for today?............If it is not eternity then I challenge you to look again. You can call me crazy, but I choose to live a life marked by His will, not the world's.