Sunday, September 19, 2010

Staying out of the shell!

I have been in a slightly depressed mood lately. My workload is dwindling and money is getting tight. I have felt each day like I am being repeatedly punched and knocked down. Then I realize I am allowing this to happen willingly. Why? I stand there and let it happen without calling on my God to step in for me. I run and hide from Him and go to the closet of self-pity and self-degradation. I knew I was there, but could not find a way out on my own. It took a brother on Wednesday morning to ask the questions that brought God's answer out me. I had them but did not know how to retrieve them on my own. God wanted me to be obedient to going to the group that day and have a heart that would be willing to answer the question when asked honestly and openly. He does not always just offer the answers for free. He asks us to step into the river or out of the boat and then we are rewarded with His faithfulness. If we don't strive to see Him we can miss what He is teaching during the moment. What was the answer I was given?

"Don't crawl into your shell? Don't shut down! Don't give up! I have your best interests in my hands. Even when it is darkest, my light still will shine! " What does all this mean in human terms. My life was tethered to so many things. Relationships with friends, serving in certain ways at church, financial security, a job that was successful and an image of having it all together. These are all the places that Satan showed up in to try and draw me a away from feeling God's presence in a real way. Ways to slowly chip away at who I am in Christ. I was holding onto those things with one arm and reaching for God with the other. With me grasping at two things I could not move forward. I was just caught hanging until I let go with one hand. What should I let go of? What are you contemplating to let go in your life?

These lyrics from the song "Something Holy" by Stellar Kart gave my heart and mind peace about uncertainty:

You say that the wells run dry.
And there's no more tears to cry.
You're searching for something real.
To make you feel.

You Know that you're incomplete.
A song with a broken beat.
There's a hole in all our hearts.
And there's a reason why!

We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
All of us are restless until we find.
We were born to be,
A part of something holy.
Bigger than, bigger than
You and I.
Bigger than all our lives.

I was born for something more. I don't know what that is down to the details, but it was not to crawl into my shell, but to stay open and honest with God, myself and others. My human nature is corrupted, but by God's design I strive for something bigger than me. Are you in circumstances that are causing you to withdraw from others, move into secret sin, and shutdown. Push out of it by calling on God and others around you.